Essays: Revising

Before you begin writing the actual essay, prewriting and getting prepared consists of a couple steps. First is Getting Started:

  1. Figuring out what to write about, where you get familiar with the prompt and what form your essay is going to take;
  2. Gathering information, where you research and choose a topic; and
  3. Brainstorming, where you do some exploration, figure out what ideas are in your head, and start to organize them.

Next, you should unite the ideas of your essay by Outlining:

  1. Draft your thesis statement. This will be a summary of the main point of your entire essay, and it will most likely evolve as you continue writing.
  2. Create an outline. The main points of your essay will support your thesis statement, and each body paragraph of the essay will make one main supporting point.

After all this preparation, you can begin Drafting:

  1. Introduction

      a.  Background and context: Give enough information to get your reader ready for the main point of your essay.

      b.  Thesis statement: The main point of your essay.

  2. Body Paragraphs – (Each body paragraph should have all of these parts!)

      a.  Topic sentence: The main point of the paragraph, including how it supports your thesis.

      b.  Details: Include the information that proves and supports the main idea of your body paragraph, as stated in the topic sentence.

      c.  Analysis: Immediately after a detail that supports your paragraph’s point, use your own words to explain HOW it supports your point.

      d.  Concluding sentence: Recap the main point of your paragraph.

  3. Conclusion

      a.  Restate the main point: In a sentence or two, wrap up the main point of your whole essay to make sure your readers have understood what you want them to.

      b.  Leave your reader with something to chew on: Give the reader an interesting perspective from which to consider your main point.

  4. Once you have a solid draft, it’s time to make sure everything is right—it’s time to revise.

     

    While prewriting, I chose to write my rhetorical analysis on an image that seemed full of meaning:

    Image result for maze magic redefined

    Source: https://uwm.edu/welcome/event/illusionist-the-maze/

    I outlined all of my main points and then drafted my essay one paragraph at a time. Here is my draft:

    Intro:

    [Background] A flyer distributed to passing students on a college campus, no context or explanation given, shows a black-and-white photo of a good-looking man, one eyebrow raised, his stark blue eyes the only color on the picture. He has black tape over his mouth, and on the tape are the words “Magic Redefined” (citation). The only other pieces of information on the flyer are a date, time, and location. [Context] An advertisement for a magic show? The student receiving the flyer only knows what the image tells her. Clearly, the flyer’s purpose is to convince her to attend the show, but even more important than what’s in the image is what’s left out—namely, that the show isn’t simply a magic show, but a Christian event where the magic elements are used to make a religious point and attempt to proselytize to non-Christian audience members (citation). [Thesis statement] Aimed at the general and non-religious student populace, the image focuses on using the rhetorical appeal of ethos to make the depicted man and his magic show look enticing, as well as using pathos to generate interest in the show by heightening drama and intrigue with the colors and atmosphere—deliberately leaving out any mention of the Christian nature of the event to avoid alienating non-religious students.

     

    Body Paragraph 1:

    [Topic sentence] A strong ethos appeal is made by the main subject of this image, the man whose face takes up most of the space, whose expression exudes a confidence in his ability to put on a good show and whose youthful attractiveness appeals to the target demographic of college students. [Evidence] The man’s expression, particularly his raised eyebrow, tells the viewers that he believes he knows what he’s doing. It’s almost a challenge, as though he’s goading doubters, telling them that it doesn’t matter what they think because he knows he can prove them wrong. He’s dressed sharply, in a clean black suit that represents success and self-confidence. [Analysis] And his belief in himself is contagious; the viewer can’t help but be swept along by him, believing that a man with that much confidence in himself must have the skills to back it up. Looking at this flyer, whether we’re interested in magic shows or not, we can’t help but believe that his will be a good one—and this draws us in. The image’s ethos appeal spikes our interest in the man; we want to see him in action. [Evidence] In the same way, the simple fact that the man is young and attractive draws in the audience, inviting us to attend the show. [Analysis] Although it may be a simple rhetorical tactic, the fact that an attractive face on an advertisement is effective is undeniable. Who he is helps build up his ethos—a young, apparently healthy, attractive man who exudes strength and confidence. We can’t help but feel drawn to him. [Evidence] Of course, important to note here is the fact that the image gives absolutely no indication that the man or his show is religious. An article written by a student who attended the show states that “the advertisements simply described the show as something that would make one wonder, ‘How can I know what is really true?’ There was nothing that would suggest that the show’s answer to this question was Jesus” (Atteberry). [Analysis] This, again, helps the image appeal to non-religious students, relying on the ethos of the man to draw in a broader demographic than just the Christian student population. [Concluding sentence] If the image’s purpose is to engender interest in this show in order to draw in non-religious students in the hope of proselytizing to them, then one of the main strategies used is the ethos appeal of the man depicted, his confidence and attractiveness appealing to all students without any indication of religion to alert non-religious students of the Christian nature of the show.

    Body Paragraph 2:

    [Topic sentence] The other main strategy this image employs to draw in its audience is making a pathos appeal using dramatic coloration and atmosphere. [Evidence] The stark blue of the man’s eyes being the only color in the black and white photo of his face creates a remarkably strong focal point right at his eyes, having the emotional effect of unsettling the viewer. It’s an uncanny blue, much brighter than any natural eyes, which makes the image dramatic and piques the interest of the viewer. [Analysis] This also fits with the magical theme of the show, contributing to the viewer’s impression that the magic show will be worth our while; in the flyer, he already looks a bit like a savvy magic trick, himself. Without necessarily knowing why, the viewer has the emotional reaction of believing that his magic show will be uncanny, interesting, and well-executed. [Evidence] Likewise, the tape over the man’s mouth makes a strong pathos appeal by creating drama. In the same way that the bright blue eyes are uncanny and a bit magical, the taped mouth feels like a magic trick—like the man is trapped and intends to do a Houdini style escape. [Analysis] Coupled with the starkly contrasting confidence in his expression, this helps convince the viewer that the show is going to be a good one. We get the emotional impression of danger and the excitement of seeing him overcome the danger, and so we want to watch the show. [Evidence] More directly, of course, the words “Magic Redefined” themselves create this sense of drama and intrigue. [Analysis] Not only does the show claim to execute awesome magic, but it suggests that it’ll change what magic even means. This draws the audience in all the more, since it promises not only something great, but something new—something never before seen. The audience’s curiosity and excitement are piqued, a very emotional response to the pathos of the image. [Evidence] Once again, what makes this such a strong appeal is that it doesn’t hint at the religious nature of this “magic” show. [Analysis] The words refer to a redefining of what magic and faith mean by relating illusion to Christian beliefs, but the strength of the rhetoric lies in the omission of the latter aspect. When there’s no indication that the redefinition of magic is religious, it makes it seem as though the redefinition will be something more magical, mystical, and intriguing. The image doesn’t lie, it simply leaves out strategic information to let the viewers come to their own, more emotionally enticing conclusion. This image’s appeal is in part a pathos of omission, creating mystery and therefore intrigue. [Concluding sentence] Thus the image’s ethos appeal, which makes us trust that the depicted man will put on a good show, is intensified by the pathos appeal that makes the show appear dramatic and intriguing, and therefore enticing.

    Conclusion:

    [Main point] What really makes this advertisement effective at drawing non-religious students to this Christian show is that while the man’s charismatic ethos and the heightened dramatic pathos make this magic show enticing, the omission of any religious elements in the image avoids putting off the non-Christian students who don’t want to be proselytized to. [Something to chew on] Whatever happens once the students are drawn in, the fact that the advertisement is an effective one is undeniable. This image’s attention to its purpose and audience is what drives its success; without a careful catering to the widely inclusive demographic that it targets, and without a clear sense of what it intends to accomplish, the image couldn’t possibly engender the success that it does as it is.

     

    Now it’s time to revise.